Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
