Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
