I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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