Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
