The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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