We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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