I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My bed smells like the plague
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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