If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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