Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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