Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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