I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
