We need to rekindle our bromance
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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