I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I cockslap morals
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
