I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
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