Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
