After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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