I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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