May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
