i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
