I cannot find my penis.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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