no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
