So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize