She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Randomize
