I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
