the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
