We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
