When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
