Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
