Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
