Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
