Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
