dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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