Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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