I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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