In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize