Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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