real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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