You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
