i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
