i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
