Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize