Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
