Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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