Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
