Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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