Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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