i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
