I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
