Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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