I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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