I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
