a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
