I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize