I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
