You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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