Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Let's get the cat blown out
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
