were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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