He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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