This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Operation Purity has been aborted
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
