I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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