I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
