Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
