Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
