you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
