i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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