I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Someone signed my nipple.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
