I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
