I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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