its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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